Absent-mindedness

Every once in a while people will experience absent-mindedness. It sucks, but it happens. Maybe you just have a moment of it from time to time, maybe you have a whole day of it. It usually comes in three forms: forgetting stuff, focusing on one thing and becoming oblivious to those around you, or not being able to focus on something due to incoming thoughts, (thanks Wikipedia).

I like to joke that I am the ditziest smart person you will ever meet. My level of absent-mindedness goes beyond the occasional “blonde moment.” I forget things, a lot. I forget things I’ve said, I forget books I’ve read or movies I’ve watched. And I don’t just forget until I’m reminded. No, that memory is gone. For example, I know I’ve watched the Justice League but I can’t even tell you who the bad guy is. I remember the funny lasso scene, but that’s it.

Thanks to my OCD, I am very accomplished at focusing on one thing, and being completely oblivious to the world around me. My poor husband has to bang on something or wave his hands at least once a day to get my attention when he’s talking. I once scrubbed a coffee cup for forty-five minutes because there was a “spot” on it. One of the houses we moved into needed cleaning first. But instead of actually cleaning the house, I spent two days with a rag and a bucket of soap water cleaning all the baseboards. Yep, baseboards. It totally escaped me that there were other parts of the house, like parts that would actually be seen versus parts hidden by furniture, to be cleaned.

The last one, interrupting thoughts, is my constant companion. I haven’t read a book in years. I start reading, but then my mind wanders, or thoughts and images push themselves into the forefront of my mind, snagging all of my attention. Sometimes those thoughts and images are innocent and appropriate, but more often than not they aren’t. Then, I’m blushing and looking around the room to make sure that no one could somehow read minds and see what I was thinking/seeing. It’s beyond annoying, it’s actually quite depressing. I used to read a book in one or two days. I’d always have three or four books going on at a time. I was never not reading. But I can’t do that now. Now my mind won’t hold on to the words, and they slip away.

I hate it, if I’m honest. I’ve started a new ADHD medicine but I’m thinking of asking my doctor to increase the dose. Having Anorexia means no stimulants in case they decrease my appetite so this is a drug I’ve never heard about. At our last appointment she did say I was on a low dose. So I’m crossing my fingers that if I can get up to a good, therapeutic level, then maybe I’ll be able to read like I once did. Maybe I won’t be so absent-minded. I can at least hope.

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