One Down

I did it! One surgery down and two more to go. I’m a bit shocked at this hysterectomy though. To avoid TMI, let’s just say I wasn’t expecting to have four good-sized incisions on my stomach. And they’re glued shut, no stitches, which only makes me more nervous about messing them up. I’m also sore, hurting much more than I expected. My doctor said that most women are surprised at how little pain they feel, but I guess I don’t get to be in that group. My stomach is swollen and tender to the touch, I can’t even stand my t-shirt to touch it. So here I am in bed, with my shirt tucked under my boobs, surrounded by candy and diet soda. Yea, I’m kind of a mess.

The fact that I’ve had surgery has most definitely sunk in, but I think the fact that this surgery drastically changes so much hasn’t. I don’t feel any different, except from the pain. I’m about to go through menopause, very suddenly, and my body will be forever different. But I still feel the same. My pathology results have been posted, not that I can understand them, so I’m assuming that no calls from my doctor means everything was okay. (It is kind of trippy to read what your insides looked like though).

But I’m scared. In the back of my mind I’m scared at the impact these surgeries are going to create. How is menopause going to change me, if it even does? Without hormones, will I be more or less moody? Will I still crave certain foods? How will it affect my body? Will my migraines lighten up, or even go away? There’s so many questions and unfortunately the only way to get answers is to wait and see.

On the bright side, one surgery is over. It’s done. Now I have four or five weeks to recover before knocking another surgery off the list. In these next four to five weeks, all I have to do is recover. My mom is up here helping out and my husband has taken over with the girls, house, and bills. I have no responsibilities except to heal. I appreciate that more than I can say. It takes a tremendous amount of relief off of me to know that everything else is taken care of. My girls are in good hands and I know I can take the time to relax and focus on me.