Welp, so much for my twice weekly posts. It’s been over two months since my last post. Granted, a ton of things have happened. All of which I will try and update you on in the next post. This post is to acknowledge my inconsistent behavior. Consistency is something I have always longed for. But in that longing, I think I set myself up to fail. I struggle to do basic hygiene at times, why should posting to a blog be any different? In failing to post to this blog in a routine manner that would make things easier for my readers, I get down on myself. I start the mantra of, “Of course you can’t do this. Why bother?” The longer I take to post, the more I am not likely to. It means I’ve had a longer time to convince myself that I can’t be a blogger.
I told myself I would update the “plans” for my blog if I could prove to myself that I would post consistently. Owning a blog is far from cheap, and I feel the need to justify the costs by “proving” to everyone that I can one day make the costs “worth it.” Plenty of people blog, but like writers, it seems very few can make a living doing just that. Considering the fact that I dream of being such a writer, it should have been obvious from the beginning of my blogging that I would one day dream of doing this as a career.
But the key to being a successful blogger? Consistency, time, and money. None of which I am in ample supply of right now. In December, my youngest starts preschool part-time. That will give me three hours a day to myself. I hope to be coming into a bit of money here pretty soon, which could help me justify keeping some of the costs of this blog. So that’s two down. At least temporarily. But if I can’t be consistent, what’s the point? That’s the key to keeping readers, you give them something to read.
As I write this, I can see my inner mantra coming out to rear its ugly head. What’s the point? The point is that this is good for me. I feel good writing about my problems. I feel good with the hope that maybe someone feeling the way I am feeling will read this and realize they’re not alone. It’s therapeutic to me to write it all down. I can visualize my problems better once they’re on a page. It lets me see what is really bothering me. Because once I get typing, it’s like a dam is released and the inner thoughts come pouring out. I often have to backtrack and erase paragraphs at a time because I’ve gone off topic on a ramble. I have to think, “save that for the next post” and move on. So yes, there is a point to all of this. I need to focus on the the therapeutic aspect of this and let the money side of things drift to the back of my mind.